This seems to be the right time so say something profound: Nothing lasts forever. Once upon a time, when we were kids, we all forgot to check our brightly coloured wristwatches and suddenly here we are, all grown up, discussing politics and wedding dresses just like the adults whom we used to find incredibly boring. All good things are in the past. The present doesn’t offer anything that will ever bring you as much joy as the things you experienced in your childhood, the memories of which you will soon forget, one by one, again proving that nothing lasts forever. There is only one thing that could make this depressing thought worse: In the present there are films like Lincoln, that are not only bad but also prove you wrong by simply refusing to end. Ever. [This was a very complicated way of saying, “The film is too long.”, and, ironically, it was also much too long.]
Should you choose to watch it, though I would strongly advise you against that, here is a useful rule of thumb: There is this awful joke that operas end once the fat lady stops singing, similarly, Lincoln ends once every character has given a pathetic [nice double meaning there] speech of epic proportions.
Although the story itself is definitely interesting, it is drawn out, stretched, diluted [please choose the metaphor you like best] until you just don’t care anymore. Somewhere in this unsavoury mix of pathos, patriotism, good white men liberating slaves, humble and grateful black servants, long and boring anecdotes, good Republicans, bad Democrats, slaughtered civil war soldiers, more patriotism and some moments of patriotism, there is Daniel Day-Lewis trying his best. Most of the other actors are incredibly stiff and really painful to watch, maybe with the exception of James Spader, but unfortunately his scenes just don’t fit together with the rest of the film.
I don’t doubt for a second that this film is going to win some of the 12 Oscars it is nominated for. It was made to win Oscars, it is Schindler’s List II. Let’s just go through the categories quickly:
Cinematography, Costume Design, Production Design, Sound Mixing, Editing: standard Stephen Spielberg-stuff, nothing really noteworthy there, sometimes even painfully uncreative;
Music: John Williams of course, horrible, melodramatic, drowning out all other emotions, garnished with allusions to the national anthem of the USA, just to remind you of what the film is really about.
Supporting Roles: Tommy Lee Jones is probably ok, but Sally Field? Really? Why? For standing in front of the camera?
Screenplay: Confused, disorganised. Let’s leave it at that.
And finally: Directing and Best Picture of the Year: Why? There is nothing about this film to justify that. It feels as clumsy and amateurish as these reenactments you get in bad documentaries. Every second you expect someone from Leeds University to appear on the screen to tell you something you already knew about the civil war or Lincoln’s family life… or soup.
Even worse, the film assumes that you are stupid and incapable of following a story. Everything is explained ten times, thoughts or feelings of any character are immediately verbalized and discussed at great length. During what should probably be the climactic scene, in which the members of the Congress take the deciding vote on the abolition of slavery, there are actually shots of people writing down things like “8 more to win”. And instead of getting excited about a vote, the result of which you already know for your history lessons at school, you think about why anyone would ever bother to write something like that down. And then you realize that this shot was just for you, in your seat in a cinema full of people eating popcorn, so that you may understand what is happening on that screen opposite of you. This is not the only scene in which the film destroys itself. Actually, you never even get the opportunity to get into it because there is nothing behind the lifeless images you can connect to, nothing to discover or feel.
When I started this blog, I promised myself, that I would never write posts in which I just go on about what I dislike about a film. I just don’t think that that is constructive, interesting or helpful. But I’m really struggling here. Sure, Daniel Day-Lewis is good, as I’ve written above. But apart from that?
Anything I write now is going to sound sarcastic anyway, so I should probably just stop writing. Which is exactly what I’m going to do now.
I did like Abraham’s top hat though.
barbarisk 
This is the best bloggish thing I’ve read in a long time. (As I’ve told you before.) The sad thing is that it really is one of the more probably choices for “best picture” at the Oscars this year.